God: Why I Believe-What it is Like to Know He is There
I feel like I was born with a belief in God. I don’t remember ever truly doubting that God was there, that He loved me and knew my every thought. Even during confusing periods of doubt and reflection, even when I was angry with God, not understanding the difficulties I faced, I still knew He was there.
The feeling I have about God reminds me of a quote from Emily Bronte’s Jane Eyer, “It feels as though I had a string tied here under my left rib where my heart is, tightly knotted to you in a similar fashion.” I feel it in my heart, the truth about who I am, a daughter of God. His love for me is like a connection between us. I carry it with me as I walk through life. Sometimes, when I’m living well, the string feels more like a cable. Other times, when I’ve become lazy with my prayers and scripture study it feels more like a thread, but it’s always there.
The bible says that God knows us so well, even the hairs on our heads are numbered (Matt. 10:30). He knows what we need before we even ask for it (Matt 6:8). He knows us better than we know ourselves.
I have felt Gods love so many times and in so many ways, I could never doubt Him. Every time I have tested Him, He has been true. He has answered my silent prayers, my eloquent petitions and my unknown needs.
Here’s one experience I had that reinforced my belief in God: it was a time when I needed help and He answered my prayer.
My baby wasn’t sleeping, so I wasn’t sleeping. The sleep deprivation marathon had gone on for more than six months. He never slept longer than four hours without waking. I felt so scatter-brained and mixed-up, I didn’t feel like myself anymore. The days were foggy and the nights torture. I had prayed for help many times and received feelings of calm, ideas of how to manage and lots of love for my little baby to help me through. However, what I really wanted was rest. My husband was traveling for weeks at a time and I never had a chance to recharge. So, I prayed again. However, this time I prayed differently. I told the Lord my situation. I laid out my problem and my request in detail. I told Him I wasn’t operating at one-hundred percent. I asked for His help getting my baby to sleep through the night so that I could have the energy to do more with my life and be a little better. I even promised to give back with my added capacity, offering more service to others.
That was all I did differently. Then I laid the baby down and he slept seven consecutive hours. I was amazed at how exhilarated I felt the next day! I was happy, the baby was happy. He ate better, took better naps, laughed more and was generally delightful. I was capable of rational thought again. And my thought was this: God answered my prayer. It was a little miracle, but it felt like the parting of the red sea to me, so much had it seemed impossible the day before.
I know God is there. I know he loves me. I feel Gods loving presence in every good thing (Moroni 7:12). President Dieter Utchdorf (Second Counselor in the First Presidency of the LDS Church) said these words about finding God, “Listen for the voice of the Father in the bounties and beauties of nature, in the gentle whisperings of the Spirit. In your daily interactions with others, in the words of a hymn, in the laughter of a child, listen for His voice.”
I love those simple, sweet directions given by President Uchtdorf. In a hectic world, we have to seek God thoughtfully and sincerely, but it is not difficult to find Him. His love is all around us, we just have to see it for what it is. I know when I do, I feel His love for me like an iron cable, like a pathway, like a lifeline. This passage from the Book of Mormon echoes my thoughts, “Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend” (Mosiah 4:9). The minute we believe in God, our existence is elevated, our lives become purposeful and our burdens shared.