Struggled to get to church on time again today. Husband left early for a meeting. Got the kids ready by myself. Frustrated. Hurried. I finally got the three-year-old dressed. There was a negotiation for every article of clothing. He immediately undressed himself again. Little Girl cried THE WHOLE MORNING. I had to just let her. Felt so full to the brim with the weight of my responsibilities and my inadequacies. Nothing in my closet fit. No room in this month’s budget for new clothes to bolster morale. I didn’t want to show my face in public, especially not at the rate we were going—there wouldn’t be time for make-up. Clock was ticking. Baby still crying. Thoughts swirled in an anxious mash.
I wanted help but I didn’t feel like praying.
I prayed anyway.
It wasn’t an eloquent prayer. It wasn’t even a very reverent prayer, but it was an honest prayer and it was offered with faith.
I was reminded of the blessings I have been given—the ones that were screaming and pouting. I was reminded to sing a hymn to calm my temper.
Slowly, I regained my equilibrium. The kids were still crazy and uncooperative but I felt something whisper to my heart—a reminder to keep a level head. It helped. It was enough. Now, I’m sitting in church with my beautiful family. My heart is drinking in the peace of this Sacrament Meeting. I feel renewed. I feel content and satisfied in the far reaches of my heart. Contentment beyond what “a break from the kids” or “a nap” or “a great day shopping” could give. Time slows down and I consciously let this picture swell in my heart. Why was I so upset about the small things this morning? My perspective is realigned. Nothing matters more than being in God’s House with my family today.
I know this is where God would have me be. I know that it is not enough to get myself through alone. My family is my purpose. I need them. They need me. I couldn’t be happy if they weren’t.
Learning to manage a little better each week, I think that’s what being a mother is all about. Learning to do it all gracefully— full of His grace. That’s when I feel the joy of this job. I open my eyes to it again. Suddenly, I don’t want to miss a moment. I can’t bear the thought of them growing up, leaving home. Before, I couldn’t live with them. Now, I can’t live without them. I realize anew why it’s worth it to pour my mess-of-a-self in the car every Sunday morning. I need His help. I need His help to cherish the everyday. I need His promises. Through Him, through Christ, we can be together forever. It doesn’t have to end. What a truly glorious day that will be for every mother. A true Mother’s Day.
Here’s a rough little video we made for our moms. Happy Mother’s day everyone!